What is self-soothe?

Self-soothe is a DBT skill that helps us tolerate distress by using our five senses.

When do we use it?

We use this skill when our level of distress is high (for example, a 7-10 on a scale of 1-10). When I say the word “distress,” many of us may think of anxiety or sadness; but remember that any emotion in the extreme can make us feel distressed or dysregulated (have you ever been a 7-10 when experiencing love or joy? I’m thinking of a crush that makes you feel so excited it’s hard to eat, sleep, you get the idea).

How do I do it?

Self-soothe is a pretty simple concept. The novel part is having the mindfulness about what you are doing and why. For example, if I’m upset and I start mindlessly fidgeting with a fidget toy while going over and over in my mind how upset I am and thinking of ways to change it, that fidgeting may not help me very much.

On the other hand, if I pause and become aware that 1) anxiety is here right now 2) I’m having a lot of worry thoughts 3) I’m noticing tightness in my chest 4) my level of distress is too high to access logic or what we call “wise mind” right now, so changing and fixing the situation are not the goal; rather, the goal is to tolerate this moment without making it worse… then you are going to have a different experience using a fidget toy. The goal of self-soothe is not to change anything, but to help you ground using your five senses so you can tolerate distress. As you hold and move a fidget toy, you will put your attention on the sensation of it under your fingers. Your mind will naturally wander back to what you are worrying about, and that’s ok. We gently bring the awareness back to the sensation of touch and remind ourselves of the goal- to tolerate the moment without making it worse.

What are common self soothes?

Smell: scented candles, sage, palo santo, baked goods, essential oils, scented lotion

Touch: fuzzy blankets, fleece pajamas, fuzzy socks, your favorite sweatsuit, petting an animal, hot showers/baths, stretching/yoga, fidget toys

Sight: looking at soothing images, like pictures/videos of animals or of someone you love or a time that was happy

Sound: your favorite soothing playlist, a sound machine that plays train, waterfall, wind chime or other soothing noises

Taste: cold water, hot tea, maybe your favorite food